Nothing To Lose!

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As I walked the streets of Downtown on Saturday trying to catch the train home, I bypassed a couple on the corner of Flagler Street waiting for a bus. Both standing on the pavement facing one another, smiling, as their eyes shared moments between them only their hearts could understand. They looked freshly knew, as if they had just started dating one another, the lust in their face gave it away, and it made me feel completely foolish for having invaded their space.  As I walked up to the plank to await the South Bound train, I stood there looking out into the fading purple blanket that covered over the Miami sky, and I wondered: Was I ready to date again?

This brought on many questions on the way home, as I walked alone under the constant dark road of Hammocks Blvd, the word DATE quarreled with the walls of my mind trying to find an escape.  Here I was thinking of ways to break my uncomfortable silence, and it made me reflect on the many soundless moments I may have dismissed by cutting into a conversation with a partner.  Someone once said “Every now and then listening to nothing makes everything better,” I never understood that.

When it comes to dating when do we stop talking with our minds, and really start listening with our hearts?

This brings me to a time in 1998 when radio was something you listened to on your daily commutes, but for me back then radio was the enemy trying to take away the comfortable silence I once had in a relationship. This was a time when words were needed, but his company was a much better fit. We had tons of space, and in that space the enjoyment of one another silent gaze. He loved admiring me from the other side of the room; he would purposely sit across from me just to watch my every move.  Dating him was like dating a wall: Tall, cold and under a Faux color finish, beautiful to look at, you felt safe between his walls but cold to the touch because of his misplaced words.  The only thing I can share with you about this part of my life is that I felt completely lost once it was over. I know this doesn’t really tell you much, but bare with me here…everything I thought I knew about dating before this was wrong and everything I learned throughout this relationship was too.

For example:

Boy meets girl while she worked at Bath and Body Works, he dates her, and learns that she has children; he decides that he wants her, so he goes all in, finding that in a short amount of time he has fallen completely “in love”.  Fast forward three years later, he no longer feels his heart is in it, and leaves her completely heartbroken inside an apartment filled with 14 heart shaped balloons on Valentine’s Day.

The End.

All due to the fact that he was too scared to say, that he wasn’t ready for a real relationship. Yes, we all know that men are from Mars, and can be overly complicated, and women are from Venus, and can be overly emotional, but here’s what I’ve gathered from it all.  Men will break a woman’s heart for one reason, and one reason alone… because they are scared.

During this time it was safe to assume he only wanted one thing, although the war in his mind was too loud for words, you would think that the right thing to do was to walk away, turns out he felt it was better to have me in silence as so long as his words weren’t hurting me. News flash: It would have been better to put gum in my hair (I could have gone and gotten a cute hair cut) then to watch me completely fall apart.

Now I wanted a better understanding regarding this fear, so I took it upon myself to ask 68 of my  dearest friends the same small yet very simple question.

Give me three reasons why men would stop themselves from getting into a relationship with a woman.

Now prepare yourselves because the answers will not blow you away… at all!  I’m going to start of with the women first. Here’s a percentage given from the 36 women who responded to this survey.

  1. Baggage……………….. 11% responded with baggage.
  2. Commitment……………….. 100% responded with commitment
  3. Fear……………….. 19.5% responded with fear
  4. Trust……………….. 8% responded with trust
  5. Sex……………….. 28% responded with sex
  6. Ego ……………….. 19.5% responded with ego
  7. Mommy Issues ……………….. 11% responded with mommy issues

Now here’s what the men had to say. Here’s a percentages given from the 32 men who responded to this survey.

  1. Sex……………….. 99% responded with sex
  2. Commitment………………..47% responded with commitment
  3. Baggage……………….. 16% responded with baggage
  4. Fear……………….. 12.5% responded with fear
  5. Trust……………….. 0 responded with trust
  6. Faith……………….. 6% responded with faith
  7. Ego……………….. 16% responded with ego

As the day went on so did the million and one twisted questions, the word date still made zero sense, and although the survey took place yesterday, and this relationship ended almost 14 years ago, it seems not much has changes in the world of “Boy Meets Girl”.  Men will jump into something because get this; it feels good… only to realize it wasn’t want they wanted in the end.

7 thoughts on “Nothing To Lose!

  1. Great post chica. Unfortunately, it works both ways. I jumped into a relationship that “felt right” and didn’t know if I wanted to stay in it or if I was ready for that kind of commitment. It actually took us breaking up for a moment to realize what I wanted.

    Keep your head up! You’re a beautiful person, inside and out, and you’ll find that person who deserves you. I believe that, one million percent.

    Like this

  2. I must say as a man on the other side of this, Its interesting to see how a diverse of men and woman can see the same things similar but different at the same time. I believe one of the main downfalls of dating and relationship is communication. We have lost the art of communicating with each other. Technology has helped in bringing strangers closer but has failed in how we communicate with each other.

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  3. You’re right about why men jump in and out of relationships but they are wrong about why they jump in and out of relationships. FEELINGS No man should ever do anything based upon emotion (or how they FEEL.)

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